Strength in Openness: Embracing the Power of Vulnerability Part 1

 

1) Introduction

Have you ever felt like you were struggling to connect with others, or that you were hiding parts of yourself in order to fit in or avoid judgment? If so, you're not alone. In this post, I will guide you on how you can have more intimate relationships by making yourself vulnerable. I will regularly discuss my thoughts of personal-development books on this blog. In a later post, you will find the last part of this book.

2) What is vulnerability

To discuss what vulnerability is, it is first important  to say what it is certainly not.

1. Vulnerability =/ weakness: Many of us have been taught to believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, and that we should hide our true selves to appear strong and capable. But the truth is that vulnerability is not a weakness; it takes courage to take responsibility, saying “I love you” first in a relationship, or keep trying after failures. The book "The Power of Vulnerability" describes how people often have different perceptions of vulnerability based on their own experiences. One quote from the book summarizes this idea: "With you, vulnerability is brave, but with me, it is an act of weakness."

2. Vulnerability =/ revealing yourself: Instead, it's about knowing when and how to share parts of yourself in order to foster more intimate relationships. Revealing too much too soon to someone you barely know can actually create more distance and hinder the potential for closeness. Therefore, it's important to be mindful of when and how much to share, and to build trust gradually over time.

Now we have busted the two common myths, it is time to talk about what vulnerability does is. According to me, it means not pretending to be perfect but daring to get out of your comfortzone and daring to ask feedback. When you feel vulnerable, you will often feel uncomfortable but as said, others will say that it is an act of courage.

3) How does vulnerability lead to more intimate relationships

Vulnerability can lead to more intimate relationships in several ways. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open ourselves up to the possibility of deeper connection and understanding with others. By sharing our true selves, including our fears, hopes, and struggles, we show others that we trust and value them, and that we are willing to be open and honest with them. This in turn can encourage others to share their own vulnerabilities, creating a cycle of mutual trust and understanding.

Furthermore, vulnerability can also foster empathy and compassion in our relationships. When we share our vulnerabilities with others, we allow them to see us as human beings with flaws and imperfections, rather than as perfect or invulnerable. If you pretend to be perfect, you will find less connections in your relationships because people can’t relate to you.

4) How shame affects vulnerability

Shame can make it difficult for us to be vulnerable in our relationships. Shame arises when you can no longer keep up appearances that you have everything under control. When we feel vulnerable, we may also feel shame because we fear being rejected or judged by others. This is because vulnerability requires us to expose ourselves and take risks, which can leave us feeling like we are not good enough. In the book, there are references that suggest that you need to conquer shame before being able to make yourself vulnerable, but also that being vulnerable can help you overcome shame. It's a bit like the chicken or the egg story, but in reality, we often only feel shame when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Therefore, being vulnerable is an act of courage that can help us overcome shame and build deeper, more meaningful relationships with others.

5) The link with happiness

Making yourself vulnerable is closely linked with authencity because you are willing to expose who you really are and dare to do acts that may not be in line what others expect of you. Authencity, in order is closely related with happiness because by being yourself, you will do actions that align with your values and thus lease to a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

According to the book, there are two main causes related with vulnerability that prevents you from living a happy life.

1. Distrust towards happiness It's common for people to feel vulnerable during their happiest moments, such as a parent feeling happy while looking at their child, but then suddenly experiencing distressing thoughts and images of something bad happening. Many people will feel like there must be something bad coming when everything in life is going good. Practicing gratitude on a daily basis, such as writing down three things to be grateful for each evening, can help overcome these negative thoughts and foster a more positive mindset.

2. Perfectionism: Perfectionism is the belief that if we do everything perfectly and appear flawless, we can avoid the pain of rejection and shame, but in reality, it's an impossible goal that often results in seeking validation from others and ultimately leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness; therefore, true happiness comes from valuing our own happiness and not solely depending on external validation.

6) Conclusion

The most important thing I want you to remember is that vulnerability is not a weakness; it's an act of courage that can lead to deeper connections, empathy, and authenticity in your relationships, ultimately contributing to your happiness and fulfillment in life. Shame can make it difficult to be vulnerable, but being vulnerable can also help overcome shame and build deeper, more meaningful relationships with others. Moreover, vulnerability is closely linked with authenticity, and practicing gratitude daily and valuing our own happiness can help us overcome distrust towards happiness and perfectionism. By making ourselves vulnerable, we can experience a greater sense of purpose and fulfilment in our relationships and in life.

7) Your next steps

1. Practice vulnerability in a safe and gradual way: Start by sharing small parts of yourself with someone you trust, and gradually build up to sharing more vulnerable aspects of yourself. This can help build mutual trust and understanding in your relationships. Think about one small thing you want to tell someone about yourself and tell it the next time you see him or her. (60 seconds)

2. Practice self-compassion: Recognize that making yourself vulnerable can be uncomfortable and scary, but it takes courage to do so. Practice self-compassion by being kind and supportive to yourself, and by valuing your own happiness and well-being, rather than seeking validation from others.

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