Mastering Communication: The Subtle Art of Active Listening

 

1: Introduction

Do you ever find yourself nodding along to someone speaking, but not really listening to what they're saying? Or, maybe you're distracted by something else while someone is trying to talk to you. If so, you're not alone. Many of us struggle with active listening, which is the process of giving our full attention to someone who is speaking to us.

Active listening is a critical skill that can benefit our personal and professional relationships. It involves more than just hearing the words someone is saying, but also trying to understand what they are saying and not listening with the intention of answering. Active listening helps build stronger connections with others and fosters better communication. Let's take a closer look at what active listening is, its benefits, barriers, and how to practice it.

2: Understand Active Listening

I will first further discuss what active listening exactly is before talking about the benefits, barriers and how to practice it.

The best explanation of what active listening according to me is that you listen with the intention to understand instead of with the intention to answer. This may seem obvious but I want to do a little exercise with you to show you that it is not as easy as it seems. Think about a conversation you had lately and focus on what your converstion partner said. A good example of my experience with this is that I had a converstion about good movies and I didn’t listen to the other because I was thinking about what I could answer as my best movies. The funny thing is that I mentionned it afterwards to my converstion partner and she said that she experienced exactly the same thing. I am sure you can also remember a conversation where you barely listened to what the other had to say.

3: Benefits of Active Listening

Practicing active listening can have numerous benefits, including:

Building stronger relationships: Active listening helps you to build deeper connections with others by showing that you're interested in what they have to say. This can lead to more meaningful relationships and a greater sense of trust.

Improving communication: Active listening can help prevent misunderstandings and miscommunications. By taking the time to fully understand what someone is saying, you can communicate more effectively and avoid conflicts.

Enhancing productivity: When you actively listen to others, you can learn more efficiently and make better decisions. This can lead to increased productivity and better outcomes. Think about the endless discussions you have had with people where each person said their arguments multiple times because the other wasn’t listening.

Solving problems effectively: Active listening can help you to solve problems more effectively by fully understanding the issues and the perspectives of all parties involved. This can again be demonstrated by the previous example of not listening to each other arguments. If you take both arguments in consideration, you are going to find solutions more easily.

4: Barriers to Active Listening

Active listening is not easy at all due to numerous factors. I will give a few here.

First and foremost, you might simply be not interested in what the other has to say and want to tell your other story. But even with good intentions, it can be hard because you get distracted or judge what the other is telling you. For example if Sarah is talking about a new job she got that she finds incredible but John doesn’t like the job at all because he finds it quite boring, it can be very difficult for John to continue listening. The key here is to try to not judge the other and remember that you are not that person.

5: How to Practice Active Listening

So how do you practice active listening? Here are a few tips to practice it in your daily life but remember that it takes time. A good idea could be to really actively listen the first 5 minutes of a converstion each day and you’ll see improvement in your concentration and comprehension of what the other is saying over time.

No judgement: It is important that you do not judge the other person. If you do this and therefore have strong emotions, it is going to be almost impossible to listen further. Remember that you are not that person and that he/she may have other interests, desires and values than you have.

Ask questions: By actively searching on which parts you can ask questions, you will naturally be more concentrated. Make sure you ask open questions but I would suggest that you also don’t ask too broad questions. For example, instead of asking “How was Japan?”, you could ask “How were the people in Japan?”.

Paraphrase: If you don’t know a question immediatelly, you could paraphrase what the other said. This may seem quite stupid at first but if you make sure you don’t say exactly the same what the other said, they will feel understood. Most of the time when you paraphrase him or her, you will even find a question immediately. For example if the other is telling a story about their vacation in Japan, you might parphrase “So you visited a lot of temples and castles, do you always go on vacation for culture?”.

6: Conclusion

The most important thing I want you to remember is that active listening involves giving our full attention to the person speaking to us, with the intention to understand rather than just to respond. The benefits of active listening are numerous, including building stronger relationships, improving communication, enhancing productivity, and solving problems more effectively. However, there are also barriers to active listening, such as distractions or being judgmental towards the speaker. To practice active listening, it is essential to listen without judgment, ask open questions and paraphrase to ensure understanding. It may take time, but by implementing these techniques, we can become better active listeners and improve our relationships and communication skills.

7: Your next steps

1. Pick 1 conversation: Pick 1 conversation today where you will actively listen for the first 5 minutes. (30 seconds)

2. Focus on Asking Open Questions: During that conversation, focus on asking open questions and paraphrasing what the other person is saying to demonstrate your understanding.

3. Stay Connected: Click the “about me” on the right side and hit the Pinterest button to don’t miss my further posts about personal development. It will only take 10 seconds of your time, but the benefits of staying informed and motivated are priceless. (10 seconds)